Updated by: Lamont Mann
That guy is a living document something like the US Constitution. As time goes by I like to add more "GUYS" to the list. This Brian Cushing story has created a lot of NEW GUYS.
Analogy guy will always wait for that one opportunity when there is a comparison so he can hit with his signature analogy that you only heard like a million. "That's like taken your wife......". How many times did you hear Analogy Guy say during the Lebron v Cleveland fiasco "That's like bringing your wife on TV and divorcing her" Wow, thanks analogy guy, I only heard this 1,000,001 times now.
HCG Guy didn't attend UT Science, Baylor College of Medicine or Prairie View School Of Nursing, this dude has an Ivy League education University of WIKIPEDIA. HCG Guy knows the glands, and cancer and tumors. Screw years of research that trained professionals have dedicated to research HCG Guy figured all of this mess out in 22 minutes on Wikipedia or Google. When HCG guy calls the stations, the hosts actually have to listen to him even after HCG tells them they are not a doctor.
Screaming at the Gym Guy
Screaming at the Gym Guy will rep with 135lbs on the bench, and you best believe me when he gets out the negative, he will be screaming which will lead you to this next guy
Spot Guy is a straight up beast, his only meaning in life at that particular time is to pump up his friend that's trying to get up 135lbs. "You got one more in ya" "Get it up" "You got it"
The Book is Better Than the Movie Guy
The Book is Better Than the Movie Guy will listen to your take on how good a movie was and his only enjoyment in the whole conversation is by saying "The book is better than the movie". You are looking at him like, dude how in the hell could a book of Braveheart be better than a movie.
I Don't Eat Pork Guy
I Don't Eat Pork Guy is usually relevant to a family member because this is usually the guy you grew up with damn near eating a pig's asshole. He gos to the pen or hook up with an uppity broad and then all of a sudden you he hits you with an "I don't eat pork". You look at him as if he just committed blasphemy.
Swell Radio Guy
Swell Radio Guy is the guy you can’t get mad it, he is just lovable and fun. I mean he’s square and not too raunchy, it would be almost silly to call and do battle with him on the radio.
KEEPING IT REAL GUY
This guy is a joke as is the next guy
REAL TALK GUY
I must admit, this guy is a joke in my inner circle. The joke is, anytime you hear REAL TALK just expect the biggest lie you ever heard.
Too Much Cologne Guy
We all know this guy, he drenches himself in cologne as you are riding the elevator with him screaming for oxygen.
I Know Everyone Guy
C’mon nah, this dude knows what happen at church, 1978 Olympics and Jay Z’s concert last night. He was there and he actually wrote a bar for Jigga while assisting Carl Lewis @ U of H.
Funky Guy that can’t be still and continues to pace but he does not realize he is scorching millions of nostril cells
Talk on the Cell Phone Guy @ Texan’s Football
It’s Monday Night, Texans vs Titans and cell phone guy wants to talk on the cell phone while he holds the opposite ear trying to talk. This guy also has the audacity to get upset with the noise
Hands Through the Hair Guy
Consistently rubs his hands through his hair
Dandruff Beard Hair Guy
Dude with big beard that constantly scratches his beard as a blizzard of dandruff laces the outskirt of his beard
Drunk guy will get blitz and they begin to cry and remember stuff that happen in 1987. He will not stop there though, this guy will be in your face and I am talking lips to nose as he tells you “I’m not drunk”.
Everyone has that friend that you don’t want to go anywhere with because he will get into a fight. You are at the club and someone stumbles into you by accident, this friends jumps over your back and steal on an innocent person.
Dry Snitch Guy (hood lingo)
I am not sure if this guy knows what he is doing but this guy will tell all of your business and then tell you “my bad dawg, I forgot you didn’t want anyone to know that”.
Welcoming Neighbor Guy
You have just moved into the neighborhood and that guy comes over and wants to get extra friendly, asking you questions meanwhile he does not offer to help you carry the 400lb refrigerator you and your son are struggling with
Computer Tech Geek Guy
You know the basics of computers and Tech geek Guy blast you with some GB, memory, bus, motherboard, pipes, flash memory, virtual memory, serial ports, cache and meanwhile you are looking like dude I just wanted to burn a cd
Broke Friend Guy
Ok, this is personal because this guy will get some where with you and say “I don’t have any money can you spot me $20 to get in”.
I Have Black Friends Guy
This Caucasian person thinks black people should give them a past because they have a black friend and to prove how honest they are they will sometimes say I have a pair of Black Boots
Season Ticket Holder Guy
LOL, Season ticket holder guy looks down there nose at you. Look I have invested a couple of thousand in a team therefore what I say is factual. Everyone must respect Season Ticket Holder Guy.
You Stole My Thunder Guy
I was and is this guy. It was not until about 3 years ago I realized that the call screeners ask “your name and take”. Thunder guy they stole your thunder because they knew your thunder.
I Played High School Ball Guy
This guy reminds me of Al Bundy on Married w/Children. His whole life revolves around his high school career.
C**K BLOCK GUY
Woooooo, you are at a party sitting by a cutie on a sofa and C**K BLOCK guy will come in and squeeze in between you and to add insult to injury he will not talk to the female he will hold the conversation with you
Talk on the elevator guy
It’s Monday morning and you just had a weekend that puts and Irish Beer Fest to shame and Elevator guy wants to talk to you as you are going up 18 flights of stairs. You have this half smile on your face like “dude I just want to get to my office can we do this on Wednesday”
HUMP DAY GUY
Now it’s Wednesday. Elevator guy is also Hump Day Guy “ITS HUMP DAY”. Shut up fool.
DUMPED EX BABY DADDY GUY
This guy suddenly wants to become Dr. Huxtable when he finds out his EX has another man and he always seems to come visit the kids when she has company and typically it ends with the EX standing outside saying “Keisha can we talk about this?”
Don’t Flush Guy
This guy is a straight up coward. He will travel like 3 floors down to come to your floor and mess up your favorite toilet without having the common courtesy to flush.
Like the Computer Geek Guy, you ask this guy how to change a fuse and suddenly you have learned about manifolds, drive chains, water pumps, starter and an alternator.
That’s My Cousin Guy
Everyone one referenced in a conversation is this guy’s cousin.
Ballin guy is straight from sunnyside/south park/3rd ward. Ballin Guy has never left sunnyside/south park/3rd ward. This guy is in Reeds Lounge, Lashuns, a couple after hours in South Union and you are like”kinfoke lets go hit up Miami, Vegas, La, Brooklyn, Myrtle Beach South Cacky Lacky and do it big dawg” He replies “nah mayne im chillin”
TEXAS LOTTO GUY
This guy is a straight up clown. In the realm of hypothetical, you are talking to lotto guy and you say “I would do this if I won 83 million dollar lotto”, but lotto guy is smarter than you and he come back with “if the lotto is 83 million you will only get 50 million”. OH ONLY 50 MILLION? WTF
I DON’T HIGH FIVE @ PRO GAMES GUY
Only this guy can keep his hands in his pockets while Hakeem hit a game winning shot, Earl Campbell breaks an 80 yard TD, or Nolan Ryan throws a no hitter while smashing 4 HRs.
PASADENA BREATH GUY
This guy really don’t know his mouth smells like sex with an obese cheek but he will still find a way to stress the words YOU, UH and FO REAL
SAY BOY MY HOMEGIRL WANNA HOLLA AT CHEW LADY
This girl does not realize the average brotha is going to holla at her and HER FRIEND
FAKE BO LEGGED LADY
My Caucasian brethren, bo legged females is a miracle come true for most black men. Nothing more funny to see a female doing the fake Bo Legged Stance.
MY COUSIN BORROWING MY RIDE LADY
You done put the work in getting the number and all. Y'all talking and you are like "babygirl flip ova here". She replies "I would but my cousin has my ride". C'mon nah, who lends there car out. You don't have a ride. Be honest
KIRBY & 59 ROSE SELLING GUY
C’mon dude it’s August, I’m hot you are hot. There are no relevant holidays that has anything to do with women and plus my AC is broke. Why in the f**K are you selling me roses?
Please feel free to add more guys to the list
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