COMMENTS FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY
Written by: Mike in DA
Date posted: 1/11/2011
THIS IS A NEW BILLBOARD IN COLUMBUS, OH, NEAR THE OHIO STATE PRESIDENT'S HOUSE!
FLUB OF THE DAY
Barry Warner (SR610) continues to say that there are 119 football teams in NCAA Division 1-A. On Sunday night (1/9) he said it again. That's the third time that he has been called out for it on these pages. Someone, please tell Barry that there have been 120 teams in Division 1-A for the last three years. Barry, don't forget Western Kentucky!
And of course, the Houston Chronicle continues to mess up high school stats, records, and scores. But at least when I tell them about it, people like Sam Khan will thank me for the "heads up".
MLB STARTS IN 79 DAYS
As mentioned here previously, MLB has moved up the start of Opening Day. The season will begin on Thursday, March 31, with six games on that day's schedule, marking the first time since 1998 that MLB has opened the season on a day other than Sunday or Monday.
Opening Day features a tripleheader of three nationally televised games on ESPN:
Tigers-Yankees at 1 PM ET
Padres-Cardinals at 4 PM ET
Giants-Dodgers at 8 PM ET
ESPN is scheduled to air "Baseball Tonight" at 12 PM and 7 PM, giving seamheads almost twelve straight hours of baseball programming.
In recent years, the MLB season began with a solitary Sunday 'Opening Night' game on ESPN, followed by a bunch of Opening Day games the following day.
THE OREGON DUCKS' SIGN GUY IS GIVING OUT SOME CRAZY SIGNALS!
FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY VIDEO ARCHIVES:
1. Sidney Crosby Is Showing Off: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_B1PZw6vRQ
2. Washington Caps Coach Boudreau Uses 14 F-Bombs During The Intermission: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q430P9Sz1hI&feature=related
3. Damien Walters Does His Thing: http://www.todaysbigthing.com/sports/2010/05/20
4. Little Girl Slam Dunks Between Her Legs: http://www.todaysbigthing.com/sports/2010/05/07
5. Dumbass Girl Gets Creamed by Track Runner: http://www.todaysbigthing.com/sports/2010/05/17
6. A Bad Foul Call: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-igP_XG-kCo
7. A Worse Foul Call: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaZIAXJJDKQ
8. Drunk Packer Fan Does His Own Lambeau Leap: http://www.sportspickle.com/video/4653/packers-fan-does-lambeau-leap-backwards
9. Bert Blyleven Won’t Make Hall Of Fame Of Live TV: http://www.sportspickle.com/video/4665/bert-blyleven-will-not-go-into-the-hall-of-fame-of-live-television
WALT FRAZIER TO INTERVIEW CHICK-FIL-A COWS!
WALT IS NOW GOING FOR THE CRAIG SAGER FASHION AWARD!
WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND!
In 1989, Michigan played Seton Hall in the NCAA Championship Game. Seton Hall led by a point, 79-78, with three seconds left in the game. Michigan guard, Rumeal Robinson, was dribbling, and as a defender avoided contact, Robinson passed to a teammate. Referee John Clougherty whistled a foul on the Seton Hall defender who never committed a foul, when the offensive player didn’t even take a shot. What an incompetent ref? (Please see videos 6 and 7 above for other incompetence by refs.) Robinson sank the free throws and Michigan led by one, 80-79. Seton Hall then missed a prayer shot, and Michigan won the National Championship.
You always hear how “student-athletes” learn important lessons during their days in college, but you never hear about the fake lessons they learn that go on to haunt them. The lessons about how you can cheat to get ahead, or benefit by somebody else cheating, like a coach, referee, or a teammate.
Last week, Robinson was sentenced to 6.5 years in jail for financial fraud, including bank bribery, wire fraud, conspiracy to commit bank fraud, and making a false statement to a financial institution. According to prosecutors, Robinson schemed between 2004-05 to borrow more than $700,000 from an Iowa bank, with the help of a loan officer. He claimed the money was for a business, but instead he bought a condo, cars, and furniture.
If you want to read some more about the fall of Robinson, you can check out the following:
A SPELLING FLUB!
LIKE RUMEAL, THESE REFS WILL GET THEIRS SOMEDAY WHEN IT COMES AROUND!
MORE AWFUL ANNOUNCING! (SR CREW)
In the last quarter while trailing, Saints’ quarterback, Drew Brees, waved off the punt team, and Hammond who used to ruin Breeders’ Cup telecasts for NBC, put words in Brees’ mouth: “We’re the defending champions, says Brees, we’re going for it on 4th and inches!” Well, New Orleans didn’t earn their championship by converting 4th and inches. Who is the last guy you’d give it to on a critical 4th and inches? The overrated, overpaid dancing running back called Reggie Bush – another crooked collegian, by the way. Which is why they had to give it to Julius Jones instead, who, naturally, didn’t get it, because he is Julius Jones, and not Drew Brees converting a first down on a 1st, 2nd or 3rd down pass to a receiver.
Then Hammond said this: “Will history be made today? The defending Super Bowl champion has never lost a playoff game when leading by at least 10-0.” Shut the fuck up, you fool! History is the Revolutionary War, the Industrial Revolution, World War 2, the JFK assassination, the fall of the Berlin Wall, just to name a few. Not fuckin’ sports trivia! It’s not even trivia! It’s a partial score in an NFL post-season game. They play 11 of them a year!
Seattle led New Orleans 41-30 with 3:30 remaining: Hammond said: “No defending champ has won an NFL post-season game since 2004, New England…” In other words, none of this Seattle in-game hype should have been as surprising as you’ve been trying to tell everyone it is, because five straight teams in New Orleans’ current situation had lost! Call the play-by-play, then shut the fuck up!
MARSHAWN LYNCH ENDS TD RUN WITH A PACKAGE SALUTE TO THE SAINTS!
DOES TURNER BROADCASTING LOVE MARV ALBERT? THE ANSWER IS YESSSS!
The bosses at Turner Broadcasting must really like Marv Albert. They just gave him a multi-year contract extension. The deal also includes Albert working some games in the NCAA Tournament, which Turner will share with CBS. For the NCAA games, "Marvelous" Marv will be working with his NBA sidekick, Steve Kerr.
THIS CHEERLEADER WANTS US TO KNOW THAT SHE'S AN ORIGINAL GANGSTA!
GANGSTA NAMES FOR KGOW HOSTS
Speaking of gangstas, I went to http://www.gangstaname.com/
to get gangsta names for the KGOW 1560 hosts to replace their boring-ass names for something harder:
Lance Zierlein: Mad Cow Weasel Boy
John Granato: Straight Crack Robba
Raheel Ramzanali: Two-Time Rat Snatcher
John Harris: Green Egg Gratmasta
Sean Pendergast: Clowny Pond Swimma
Travis Rodgers: Wobbly G
David Nuno: Green Egg Rappa
THEY'RE SAYING WHAT A LOT OF US ARE THINKING ABOUT BJs!
COOLEST SPORTS NICKNAMES: #25 - MORDECAI “THREE FINGER” BROWN
Today’s sports nicknames are terrible: A-Rod, L.T., K-Rod, Bags, Bidge, etc. They are nothing more than a combination of a player’s first and last name. But nicknames haven’t always been so bad. Here is another one from the past - Mordecai Brown.
Remember how your parents told you to be careful around power tools? They weren’t kidding. When future MLB pitcher Brown was a young man he accidentally put his hand in his family farm’s feed chopper. The chopper’s blades cut off most of his index finger, and a later fall on the same hand permanently mangled the middle finger on his pitching hand.
His maimed fingers, though, turned out to be a blessing when they enabled him to put massive amounts of spin on his pitches. Hitters couldn’t get balls in the air against Brown, and he won 239 games on his way to the Hall of Fame. So, the lesson here is clear: if your Major League dreams are looking bleak, try sticking your hand in a woodchipper. Can’t hurt! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qWFhDvURLg
A GRAMMAR FLUB BY THE SHIRT MAKER!
ODDS AND ENDS:
1. I wonder if those four guys in that commercial who have never missed a Super Bowl have a secret covenant where the last surviving guy gets everyone else's estate.
2. How about the guy in the commercial who would rather watch Beyonce on TV than live right in front of him. He has to be gay. I think that commercial is trying to sell TV's to gay men?
3. I'm not sure New England Patriot fans appreciate just how great Tom Brady is. He finished the season with a 9.0 TD-INT ratio which beat the record of 6.25 held by Tom Brady. No other QB has ever been above a 6.0 ratio. MVP! MVP!
4. Once again the networks continue to bombard us with stats that are basically meaningless. During the Ravens-Chiefs game on Sunday (1/10), there was a graphic that Ravens' QB Joe Flacco is one win short of Dan Marino's 36 wins in his first three years at quarterback, including playoff games. Besides the fact that Marino started only nine games in his rookie year vs. Flacco who started all of his team's 16 games, a number of Flacco’s wins were the result of
5. Barry Warner of SR610 was fired from his job at KPRC in 1992 and had trouble finding a job in radio for a while. Barry has a strong radio voice, but now we may know why he was unemployed for so long. He has never been addicted to cocaine, crack, or alcohol; he has never been in prison; he has never stolen; and he was never homeless. If he did all of the above, he may have been back on radio sooner. Just ask Ted Williams of Columbus, OH. He did all of the above and got an announcing job with the Cleveland Cavaliers just like that.
6. The tag on NBC’s coverage of last Saturday’s (1/8) Wild Card Games was “Win Or Go Home". That’s so as not to confuse you with the NFL two-out-of-three playoff series.
7. Rafael Palmeiro made almost $90 million during his baseball career, so don't feel so bad that he only got 11% of the Hall of Fame ballot.
8. The New York Giants and the Tampa Bay Bucs each had 10 wins this season and neither made the playoffs. The last time that happened was in 1991 when the Philly Eagles and SF 49ers both had 10 wins and missed the playoffs. By the way, it is theoretically mathematically possible for a team with a 3-13 record to make it to the NFL playoffs and host a wild card game.
9. The Texans' Arian Foster led all NFL running backs in yards rushing and in yards receiving (total yards from scrimmage = 2220). The last time that happened was back in the old AFL days; Clem Daniels did that with the Raiders in 1963.
Yesterday’s Record ATS: 3-1
Today’s Action (for reading purposes only):
SACRAMENTO (+6.5) over WASHINGTON*
The Kings are young and immature but they sure can pound the boards. They were a plus 12 on the glass in the blowout win at home just over a month ago, but John Wall did not play in that game. The California gang showed signs of life beating Denver last week when Tyreke Evans suddenly came to life putting up 27 and dropping a dozen dimes. SACRAMENTO, 108-107
MINNESOTA* (+6) over SAN ANTONIO
The Wolves will not go any place until team officials bite the bullet and put some players around Michael Beasley and Kevin Love. Homers took this team to overtime in Minnesota in late November before falling by two buckets. If the Minnesota guards play better than they did that night, Wolves could shock. MINNESOTA, 104-100
BOWLING GREEN (+8) over KENT STATE*
Thus far, the Flashes have been bulletproof at home behind Justin Greene, but Kent is 1-3 in their last four since Carlton Guyton was charged with felony theft in mid-December, and boast scant depth, without him. Meanwhile, the light bulb's gone on for the Falcons, who've gotten off to a splendid MAC start with a tidy, conservative offensive game plan predicated on pounding it inside. No visitor has won more games on Kent's floor than has Bowling Green. KENT STATE, 67-65.
MIKE IN DA
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