Thursday, June 3, 2010
THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE HOOD - MIKE IN DA
THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE HOOD!
Written by: Astro Mike Ganis aka Mike In DA
Date Posted: 06-03-2010
He has never lost a sock.
He has been known to cure narcolepsy, just by walking into the room.
His organ donation card, also lists his beard.
He’s a lover, not a fighter, but he’s also a fighter, so don’t get any ideas.
When it is raining, it is because he is sad.
Even his parents’ advice is insightful.
His shirts never wrinkle.
He is left-handed. And right-handed.
Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there.
He once knew a call was a wrong number, even though the person on the other end wouldn’t admit it.
You can see his charisma from space.
The police often question him, just because they find him interesting.
Mt. Rushmore would close, due to poor attendance.
His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body.
His blood smells like cologne.
On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him.
He doesn’t believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders.
His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him.
His pillow talk is years ahead of its time.
Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores.
He speaks fluent French, in Russian.
He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels.
He lives vicariously through himself.
His personality is so magnetic, he is unable to carry credit cards.
Every time he goes for a swim, Dolphins appear.
If you think the grey-bearded gentleman is impressive, you ain't seen or heard nothing yet. For example, here is a brief sampling of the quotes about our own “Most Interesting Man in the Hood":
Birds have never defecated on his cars or trucks.
When he visited Africa, the natives carved a statue of him.
He won the Texas hold ‘em world championship with just one card.
He once refused an offer from Don Corleone – five times.
His Guardian Angel quit because he never needed protection.
Tear gas makes him laugh.
His farts and shit don’t stink
Upon graduating from high school, he submitted an application to become a Navy Seal and found out he already was one.
Happy Hour for him is the hour after everyone from "happy hour" has left.
The Abominable Snowman and Loch Ness Monster think he is a myth.
People with amnesia and Alzheimer’s always remember him.
The Internet searches him.
He doesn’t just taste fear… he orders seconds of it.
He doesn’t obey the law; the law obeys him.
He is the only person to ever get a perfect score on the Wonderlic Test.
He once showed up to court, to decide his own verdict.
His credit card company owes him money.
He knows Victoria’s Secret.
Wherever he travels, any carpet he walks on turns red.
He rarely wears shoes, as his feet cannot be contained.
He never has an exit strategy. He knows where the door is.
Years ago, when he was in pre-school, he created a city out of building blocks. Today, 40 years later, over a half-million people live and work there.
He’s never met anyone with more perfect skin than his.
He can operate three speedboats – at once.
His bedroom ability is so legendary, it’s been known that a room full of women have achieved orgasm by him just walking in.
(To be continued.)
Astro Mike Ganis aka Mike In DA
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