Saturday, July 31, 2010



Written by: Mike In DA
Date Posted: July 31, 2010

Remember that 21-year-old guy who intentionally vomited on a spectator and his 11-year-old daughter at a Philadelphia Phillies home game in April. Well, the dude was sentenced on Friday (July 30) to up to three months in jail and community service, which the judge suggested be fulfilled by cleaning ballpark toilets and trash.

Matthew Clemmens (pictured at his April 14 booking), of Cherry Hill, N.J., was taken into custody immediately after Family Court Judge Kevin Dougherty imposed the sentence. The fan that Clemmens vomited on and punched, Michael Vangelo of Easton (PA), said his daughter, Mikayla, is still traumatized.

The family has received offers from the team and strangers for tickets to future games, but “she does not want to go,” said Vangelo, a police captain. He said he also has not returned to Citizens Bank Park since the assault.

Clemmens pleaded guilty in May to charges of assault, harassment, and disorderly conduct. He admitted he stuck his fingers down his throat and vomited on Vangelo and Mikayla at a Phillies-Nationals game on April 14.

In case you didn't hear or forgot about it, Clemmens and his friend were cursing and heckling the Vangelo family from the first inning. Vangelo’s 15-year-old daughter asked them to stop cursing around her younger sister, resulting in more heckling and cursing. The family was doused with beer when they rose to cheer a Phillies home run, and Vangelo eventually complained to security that Clemmens’ friend was spitting, which hit his younger daughter’s jacket and seat.

After the friend was ejected, Clemmens was sitting alone when he answered his cell phone and said: “I need to do what I need to do. I’m going to get sick,” prosecutors said.

He then put his fingers down his throat and “projectile vomited,” Vangelo said. He also punched Vangelo several times, causing his ear to bleed, before being tackled by other spectators and arrested.

The judge also ordered Clemmens to pay Vangelo $315, the cost of the five tickets for him and his family to attend the game. Vangelo said he intended to donate the money to the Easton Police Athletic League.

Now, let’s go to the phones.

Jerry, you’re on:

“The guy had to puke because of all the Philly cheese steaks and calzone that he has to eat to look like a respectable Philadelphian. Everybody in Philly looks like that. The people are so obese that the whole place stinks from flatulence in the summer (and winter). I say, 'Right On', get out there and puke for the Phillies.”

Craig, you’re on:

“Is it just me or does he look like an ugly lesbian?”

Bob, you're on:

"The community service part of the sentence could be interesting – that is, cleaning ballpark toilets".

Ricky, you’re on:

"I've got it. Commute the entire sentence to community service. Put the kid into a Phillies uniform, slap "Phillies Vomit Boy" on the back and make him clean the toilets of Citizens Bank Park.”

Rudy,you’re on:

“Isn't Clemmens really John Kruk, Jr. ?”

Caller, you’re on:

"Someone dotted his eye, nice mouse ya got there round boy!”

Pretty Boy, you’re on:

"What a scary dude. What do his parents look like?”

Gordon, you’re on:

"This low-life is getting a stiffer sentence than Wall Street crooks who stole billions of dollars from taxpayers?”

Irish, you’re on:

“I only wish this Neanderthal slimeball was on the receiving end of two black eyes and a few broken ribs. Who gave him the black eye? I'd like to congratulate that person."

Jerry, you’re on:

“They should have used him for batting practice. And once again, a tough judge has harsh words before handing out a creampuff sentence.”

Crusher, you’re on:

“Just wondering how you can "tarnish" Philadelphia's reputation. That would be a tall order."

Conrad, you’re on:

“A daily swift kick to his nads for the rest of his natural life would be a fitting sentence.”

Phil, you’re on:

“Give the poor slob a break. He was reading the latest unemployment figures and barfed.”

Big Bernie, you're on:

“Give me 15 minutes with this fat pig and he'll learn some manners....or at least learn to eat through a straw.”

W, you're on:

“His lawyer unsuccessfully argued he was bulimic and functionally retarded. Looks like his modeling career is over."

Walt, you're on:

"I think just attending a Phillies-Nationals game would be enough to make me vomit.”

Rita, you're on:

"Good sentence judge! I hope the prison pigpen puts this disgusting, demented, deranged, vile, filthy, lowlife, loser, degenerate, blubberbutt piece of garbage on a diet. It sure needs one and it might save taxpayers some money. "Banjo Duel from Deliverance " will be this punk's wakeup call."

Willis, you're on:

"I hope he/she has that gag reflex under control because there is going to be a lot more than fingers going down his/her throat in prison. He/she isn't going to want to put those fingers anywhere near his/her mouth after the places they're going to be for the next month."

Lew, you're on:

“He looks like a young Brad from Spring Branch.”

BJ, you're on:

"Hey Porky, get ready to squeal like a pig. Dumbass!"

Freddy, you're on:

"I guess the Phillies made him sick!"

Eveline, you're on:

"That's a "man"?"

Jimmy R, you're on:

"From the size and looks of this guy, I bet his vomit didn't smell too good."

Jeff, you're on:

"If he did that to me I would be the one in jail and paying for his funeral."

Lisa B., you're on:

"Is he banned for life from this stadium after he cleans the toilets. I hope so."

Monty, you're on:

"Hopefully, the little girl won't be attending any fraternity parties when she gets a few years older. If this traumatized her, just wait."

Laticia, you’re on:

"His obnoxious behavior is probably compensating for his little peepee! Real men do not act this way."

Gift Shop, you're on:

"The real crime is that it costs $315 to take the kids to a ball game."

Bill, you're on:

"What do you expect from a Phillies fan? And they keep breeding."

Edgar, you’re on:

“What a douche. Spike his hair and add him to the 'Jersey Shore' cast.”

Zach, you're on:

"What is this country coming to when a man can’t puke on another man during a dispute? First they won’t let us fight each other, now we can’t projectile vomit at each other? How are we supposed to let people know we’re angry at them? Words? Haha, like those ever work."

Lefty, you're on:

"What a waste of good puke, wonder how far he could shoot it."

Lucas, you’re on:

“At first glance, I thought the picture would lead to an article about a female domestic violence victim.”

Arnold, you're on:

"Too bad for him... it's not easy being Chris Farley's kid."

Jack, you’re on:

"Hey, it's Artie Lange! He's back!"

Paul, you’re on:

“If you ever decide to vomit on somebody, always check their ID to make sure he's not a police captain.”

Tyrone, you’re on:

“When did Michael Moore dye his hair ?”

Robert, you’re on:

“I thought it was a grown-up Chunk from "The Goonies'.”

Danny, you’re on:

“Can't you hear his cellmate? 'Hey Pillsbury, gag on this'.”

Elvin, you're on:

“Targeting the 11-year-old was a bit low. If she'd been a whiny 16-year-old Miley Cyrus fan, then it would be alright.”

Marty, you’re on:

“And to think, this is one of the classier Philly fans!”

Dexter, you’re on:

“Is that Engelberg from 'The Bad News Bears'?"

Vic, you’re on:

“Seems to me he was born to root for the Mets. You should see my nephew in Queens. He makes this guy look like an alter boy. I think he changes his socks once a month.”

Carlos, you’re on:

“That is what they call a ‘Roman Shower'."

Myra, you’re on:

"He can can throw up on me anytime. What a sexy beast!”

John, you’re on:

“I'd like to vomit on Drayton McLane.”

Buddy, you’re on:

“I know this is messed up, but I couldn't stop laughing when I saw the utube video.”

Whitey, you’re on:

”The Eagles should ask him to be president of their fan club.”

Ronnie, you’re on:

”No wonder Michael Vick, dog torturer, was welcome in Philly.”

Dave, you’re on:

“The solution to this situation is to not serve alcohol at sports events.”

Ed, you’re on:

"No, the solution is to not allow 11-year-old girls at sports events.”

Irv, you’re on:

“The solution to the problem is to not go to Philadelphia.”

Emily, you’re on:

“Where did that guy get his hair done! It's bouncin’ and behavin’!”

Pete, you’re on:

“I guess he's not too excited about Oswalt, huh?”

Mike, you’re on:
“Roger Clemens threw up on and punched somebody? I thought he was off the juice.”

Tina, you’re on:

”They should let the public know when this jerk is cleaning, so they can leave their 'appreciation' on the floor.”

Thomas, you’re on:

”Philly fan attacking Philly fan in the stands. This must be some kind of initiation or a long-treasured Philadelphia hazing ritual.”

Frank, you’re on:

“What no batteries or coins to throw around, they left their guns and knives in the car before they came to the ballpark. Puke is the new weapon of choice these days, hold on...let me puke-punch this innocent man and torment his entire family.”

Mr. Baseball, you’re on:

“Oh boy, community service at baseball games. I want that.”

Leonard, you’re on:

“He should be sentenced to three years of attending all Astros games. He'd kill himself by Year Two.”

Wayne, you’re on:

“Clemmens, good luck finding a job. Employers are going to Google your name and you'll always be 'that guy who vomited on a little girl at a baseball game'. In the meantime, a lot of prisoners are fathers. I am sure they have some warm feelings they'd like to share with you.”

Ray, you’re on:

"I wasn't sure if they were going to send him to the clink or erect a statue to him next to 'Rocky'.”

Bob, you’re on:

“I bet he threw up on Santa Claus, too.”

Oscar, you’re on:

"How come Donovan McNabb didn't get some jail time when he puked on his teammates in the Super Bowl huddle.”

Raider Robbie, you’re on:

"Hopefully, this idiot didn't give Raider fans a bright idea of how to be even worse!”

Smitty, you’re on:

"When driving through Pennsylvania, I wouldn't stop and take a dump in Philly. That would be an insult to my feces.”

Soul Man, you’re on:

“Major League Action ... Catch it!”

Derek, you’re on:

“You want fries with that vomit?”

George, you’re on:

“ That wussy had to use his fingers? What a rookie. I can vomit on command just by thinking about it.”

Now, let's go to a break and pay some bills!

PS - The guy wasn't a Phillies fan and doesn't even live in Philly. He was a Nationals fan. Once again, Philly gets a bad rap.


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