Sunday, October 31, 2010



Written by: Lamont Mann
Date posted: 10/31/2010

For close to a decade, I have watched the Astrodome wither away.  Outside of housing Hurricane Katrina victims, I cannot think of another time it was utilized. 

In Houston, every so often the question "what to do with the Astrodome?" arises and it's basically the same old ideas from different people.  No one ever really have an idea that warrants consideration.  With that being said, I want to take a stab in the arena of dome ideas but it will take some "ghetto" research.  I fully intend on supporting my plan by the facts laid out below.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have beem monitoring the behavior in the Astrodome vicinity.  My findings are so damning, you can't help but be alarmed.  It is my belief, asbestos is leaking out of the Astrodome and somehow funneling itself in the Texans' facilities.

After receiving  a thorough butt spanking by the Dallas Cowboys, the Houston Texans found it imperative to make changes.  At the time, I am thinking a solution to Roy Williams catching over a 100 yards and 2 TDs or possibly shoring up the Offensive Line, but the changes we received were a change in the tailgate policy.  I am not here to debate if it was right or wrong, but after that spanking, I am thinking more like grabbing Darrell Green or Chris Dishman out of retirement.

Now you have to pay close attention to this section because not only did the asbestos affect Kubiak, it affected the majority of the media covering the game.  Here I sat watching Arian Foster run for over a 100 yards on Dallas and I see Gary Kubiak jettison the run game.  Honestly I never really heard an answer of why Gary went away from the running game, but according to some media professionals, the running game was not working.  OK, I know Foster went for over 200 yards against Indy, but good grief, I will take a 100 yards against a stout defense any day.

It was at this point, I actually wanted to investigate my theory of the dome.  I believe it was after the Dallas game, talks began to heat up about Aaron Schobel to Houston.  Schobel lives approximately 70 to 80 miles west of Houston in Columbus, TX.  According to reports, the Monday after the Dallas spanking, Schobel came to Houston to try out.  Without having access to NFL information, it is said that the Texans could not come to agreement for the following reasons.

  • Schobel was out of shape
  • Schobel wanted to stay retired
  • $300 K in terms of deals
One of the key symptons of asbestos contamination is dementia.  Schobel has been out of football for almost a year and you expect him to look like Brian Cushing?  Unless Schobel owns a helicopter, I am going out on a limb and guessing that Schobel traveled to Houston via automobile.  You don't travel no damn 80 miles to tell someone you want to stay retired.  I cannot even tag the Texans with the $300K, I simply don't want to believe 10 sacks is sitting in Columbus because a billionaire didn't want to pay.

One night, I am listening to Hollywood 610, as Barry Warner and Brien Straw (Shaun Bijani was out sick) are interviewing Dominique Barber.  It all began with Barber correcting Barry Warner by telling him, "my father didn't play for the Vikings", by Mike in DA standards, this is considered a FLUB. 

I continued to listen when Barber said something that startled me.  Barber said the team and the coaches looked at the game and it wasn't as bad as we think.  At this point, I am looking at the radio like WTF.  Is my version of bad and his version polar opposites?  After hearing him make that statement I am more scared that we haven't seen bad yet.  If we have 32 teams in the NFL and our defense is ranked 32nd in the league, my goodness what are we really in for.  But it didn't stop there, as the dude continued on to say the Texans have a great defense.  Barry tries to throw him some rope but he reiterated, he stands by their defense being great. This brother has a clear case of dementia.  I believe he's snorting dementia.

If you think that's crazy, I won't even begin to talk about grown men talking about a need to be motivated or Frank Bush saying the defense is good.

Last year, I can remember the Texans blowing a huge lead to the Indianapolis Colts in Reliant Stadium.  It got pretty bad.  Bob  McNair came down to the sideline and his face was super pink.  The fans were booing while leaving in a mass exodus in the middle of the 4th Quarter.  This is when Matt Schaub succumbed to dementia.  That following Monday, during the Matt Schaub Show on Hollywood 610 said, you are not a real fan if you leave the game and boo your team. 


Chiefs with the ball on the Goal Line.  It's late 1st QT.  Out comes the Chiefs offense.  Lined up as an eligible receiver is defensive player Vrabel.  If you do not know about Vrabel he is only like 100% in catching passes for touching, but his presence should have peaked someone's interest on the Texans sideline.  Did Kubiak or some other human call a timeout?  No, they simply stood there look like "wow this is really cool a defensive player would be on offense when he is known for catching TDs".  See this is when Asbestos is at it's most dangerous form, Coach Kubiak is clearly in the deranged state at this point.  Call a damn timeout Kubiak.

It pains me to say this, but we have no choice but to blow up the Astrodome.  It is clearly affecting the thought process of people working in the Reliant Park area.  I am much more afraid of the residents that live near by.  If you look at all of these events, it's clear the problem is progressively getting worse. 

Pretty soon, we will have a whole area of Houston living as zombies.  The only other option I can think of with the Dome is to make the Defense, Frank Bush, Rick Smith, and Kubiak sleep in it after each loss.

Lamont Mann


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