FEMALES NEED NOT APPLY, By LM

2-16-2011
Written By: CALI CONDOR

FEMALES NEED NOT APPLY IN HOUSTON

About two weeks ago, HMW ran a poll of your favorite female personalities in Houston of who you would like to hear more  on the radio.  The results are irrelevant because all of the ladies did well however, we are going to treat the results like Sports Radio Program Directors treats them, "NULL AND VOID".

In the past, I think there has been some confusion about HMW; we like the interaction from radio personalities but some of the questions HMW are about to propose are directed at  program directors.  Since listening to talk radio, I have heard the following females on Sports Talk Stations:

• Brooke Bentley
• Allyson Footer
• Ana Meagan Raley
• Erin "The Fantasy Girl"
• Julie Takahashi 

All of these ladies are good and I am surprised they are not on the air more.  Here are a couple disclaimers, I believe Brooke Bentley is doing television in Beaumont, TX and Julie is a full time employee of 97.5 FM. 
The demographics of Houston tells me, females make up close to half of the population in Houston.  About two weeks ago, we learned that females represent 40% of NFL fans (thanks Rich Lord).  I must admit, I was really surprised to learn there were that many NFL female fans; I can only imagine what the numbers say in the NBA.

HERE IT IS

When asked about the hiring practices of our four sports radio stations here in Houston, I commonly hear this miraculously "secure" demographic of 25-54 males.  Ladies, don't fret because they use this same demographic in racial talks (talk to Lesbian Craig about that one).  I have to give it up to 97.5 FM for employing Julie Takashi as a "Full Timer" but the other three stations are far behind the curve.  HMW is not making the case for these five ladies to be on air however it would be nice to hear at least "TWO" in the market. 

YOUR RESUME'

Since I want females represented on the airwaves, I am going to give them tips for securing a slot at one of the three remaining  stations. 

If you are a female looking for employment at 610 (KILT), in your career accomplishments section, use an action verb describing how you will completely debase yourself as a female around a crowd of feminine men.   It gets a little bit tricky if you are applying for employment with 1560 (KGOW).  Arrange a meeting with John Granato (boss man), in that meeting, instruct him to remove his pants allowing his backside to be exposed.  After seeing his backside, commence to kissing it, just kiss all over it (each cheek) and kiss some more if you are in doubt of how much you kissed.  Although your lips may have gotten dirty, you must remember, you are a female (XX chromosome) therefore "Ass Kissing" will not get the job done, you must then get with the on "air crew" and tell "male humorous bar fart jokes".  My friend, you can't stop there because you are dealing with a different beast (1560), you must hit them with the "money shot", let them know you are available to work a rotating shift because you know they commonly change their "line ups" about every four months.  The easiest yet hardest Houston radio station to work in sports is 790 (KBME).  If you are Caucasian, good job, you are only 50% away, the other 50% may prove to be quite challenging as you will have to metamorphosed into a male.  Here it is, forget sending your resume, just send a picture of you as a white male and  you are hired.  If you actually have talent, that's good but not necessarily needed.

Before station personalities and their fans (shields) try to jump fly, this article is a question directed to Gavin Spittle, John Granato, and Brian Erickson.  Do what you do.

Who are we kidding, if you are a female there's no need to apply because these guys are apparently still referencing antiquated marketing demographics (25-54 males) from 1971.  The truth is, they see no need to change because they are too lazy to do "real" research that illustrates the dynamics of audience has completely changed, this is not a problem exclusive to Houston, this is 2011 reality.   I happen to know statistics and what I know about statistics, you can make the numbers serve your own purpose.  This is why you hear stations like 1560 AM that get CRUNK about their numbers when they are doing good and discount the numbers when they are doing bad.  Something is strange when you can get 2 separate entities to agree on something but when we are talking about 4 stations locked in on the same bull crap (demographics), something is wrong. Hello! with numbers as depressed as they are in Houston, you would think that someone would see the light that we need to incorporate more listeners and employees from all backgrounds. This lazy excuse of 25-54 Male marketing ploy sports talk stations try to spew is so baseless that it's insulting especially when you can watch an event as large as the Super Bowl and see countless marketing campaigns geared towards females. 

I am not seasoned in radio nor entertainment but what I have come to learn, sports talk radio is so competitive, the mere fact of me even suggesting females being taken seriously is grounds for me getting WHACKED.  I view 61% of Houston sports personalities as non-talented males with media credentials happy to be in the "know" but mad they can't tell what they know.  #TalkRadioToSufferTheFateOfPrintMedia

OUT

CALI CONDOR
HMW
Email: houstonmediawatch@yahoo.com
Blog: http://www.houstonmediawatch.com/
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