Monday, September 6, 2010



Written by: Mike in DA
Date posted: 9/6/2010

Just in case you’re not familiar with it, “Pro Football Weekly” (Fox Sports Houston, 4-4:30 pm CT Saturdays) is a 30-minute syndicated cable program that features NFL Hall of Famer (Chicago Bears) and current Chicago radio host, Dan Hampton; NFL Network analyst and Chicago radio host, Tom Waddle; and the publisher and editor of "Pro Football Weekly", Hub Arkush. The panel covers the top stories from around the NFL and previews the coming week's games.

On Saturday’s show, during the closing of the show, Hampton made what could be considered by many as an insensitive comment with a Hurricane Katrina metaphor.

Hampton and the other hosts were giving their predictions for this Thursday night’s game between the Minnesota Vikings and New Orleans Saints. Hampton opened his mouth wide, and put his foot in it by saying, "If you watched that playoff game last year the Vikings need to hit that town like Katrina. I think the Vikings go down there and get it done."

While a number of people have supported Hampton for his Katrina reference, claiming we're way too sensitive in this country, let's look at the stats: the final death toll of Katrina was 1,836 people and thousands of families were temporarily separated; hundreds of thousands of pets were either killed or left without a home; and the hurricane cost the United States an estimated $110 billion in damages, which made it the costliest hurricane in US history.

Perhaps there's a place for Hampton's comedy act, but it's not on "Pro Football Weekly". The show has worked too hard building an excellent reputation over the last two decades. The show doesn't need Dan Hampton turning into Jay Leno.

I really can't imagine what made Hampton think a Hurricane Katrina reference was a clever line to insert into his prediction for a game being played in New Orleans, but I'll go out on a limb and predict that Hampton will open next week's show with an apology. That is, if someone like Jesse Jackson, the New Orleans mayor, or the governor of Louisiana doesn't try to get him fired by then.

Here are some suggestions for metaphors that Dan can use in the future, especially if he wants to get fired:

“The Saints are gonna make Ben Roethlisberger look like the lower Ninth Ward”.

"The Falcons will drop the Saints faster than BP's stock."

 “The Cowboys should hit New York like a 747”.

"The Saints should hit San Francisco like the earthquake of 1906.”.

“The Ravens should hit Houston like Hurricane Ike.”

“The Packers are going to Minnesota to make the Vikings crumble like their bridges.”

“The Eagles will go to San Francisco and rock it like Haiti.”

“The Vikings should hit the 49ers like the bombs that obliterated Hiroshima and Nagasaki.".

"Baltimore needs to fly in on opening night and hit the Jets like a jet slamming into the World Trade Center."

“The Saints will hit and burn Atlanta like General Sherman did?”

"The Texans will invade Washington like the British did in the War of 1812?”

"The Ravens are going to hit Pittsburgh next week like unemployment."

"The Patriots need to hit the Jets like 9/11!"

"The Cowboys should hit Arizona like a band of scalping Apaches."

"The Jets are going to Detroit to shut down the Lion offense like an auto assembly line."

"The Saints will blanket the Dallas receivers like a practice dome fell on them."

"The Saints will badger the 49er quarterback like a panhandler does to a tourist on Powell or Market Streets."

"The Vikings will burn the Bears’ cornerbacks like the Great Fire of 1871."

"The Cowboys are going to bomb the Redskins like Al Quaeda."

"The Vikings will roll into Lambeau and carve the Packers up like Jeffrey Dahmer."

Indianapolis should roll in and hit Philadelphia like the British did in the 1777-78 occupation.”

"San Diego needs to go into Denver and bury them like an avalanche."

"The Jets need to attack the Bills like cancer did to your now dead child."

“The Vikings need to smack the Bears around like you do your gay son."

"The Colts need to leave the Texans in the dust like your wife did to you, leaving you to die alone since no one loves you."

"The Giants need to grow a lead on the Panthers like that tumor is growing on your liver."

"The Cowboys have to stop the Eagles like your family stopped loving you years ago."

"The Packers have to hit the Bears like that drunk driver hit your daughter."

"The Vikings are gonna run through the Bears like disease through Walter Payton's bile duct."

"The Texans are going into Nashville and will hit the Titans like an overflowing riverbank".

(In future years, if Los Angeles gets a team) "They will beat them like a white cop would beat a black motorist."

For the wackos and miscreants out there, check out "Machete". It's awesome!


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