COMMENTS FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY!
Written by: Mike in DA
Date posted: 10/6/2010
LOCAL RADIO STATIONS NOW HAVE A REAL DEMOGRAPHIC PROBLEM!
With all the weight that local sports talkers on SR610, Sports Talk 790, and 1560 KGOW have lost in the last year or so, they are disconnecting with a portion of their listening audience. Not only do they not have a token black guy in their daily rotation now, but they will soon be lacking a token fat talk show host in the daily rotation.
At SR610, it’s John Lopez, Josh Innes, and now Rich Lord on the Quick Weight Loss Diet. At 790, it’s the Mighty Gwinn. And at 1560, it’s Lance Zierlein, John Harris, and Sean Pendergast who now have smokin' hot bodies.
Who are us fat or overweight guys going to relate to in the local sports talk scene? There was always at least one overweight host on each station that we could relate to and feel comfortable talking to on the phone or at a remote. Not all the sports fans out here are in as good shape as Charlie Pallilo, Marc Vandermeer, or John Granato, so we turned to the overweight guys as our sports talk idols. Now they are abandoning us as the local fat sports talk host appears to becoming extinct.
Memo to sports talk station program directors: If you don’t want to lose your fat-guy audience, hire a fatso or two or we’re gone. Bring in someone like "The Sports Pig" instead of a bunch of guys who don't like calories.
BOYS BEING BOYS!
One topic that local sports talk hosts might have missed this past week was a soccer story about the Mexican national soccer team, which traveled to Colombia for a “friendly” recently and won the game. After the game, the team had a celebration; no big deal, right? Well, it seems as if about a dozen prostitutes were invited to the celebration and that news got out. No big deal, just a case of boys will be boys. Except sometimes girls will be boys!
It seems that at least one transvestite was included on the invitation list that got the prostitutes to the victory party. In these days of the Internet, someone took pics and somehow they got posted. Ooops!
Among the pictures were shots of several of the players posing with a young blonde woman called Gema, who is actually not a woman at all, but a transvestite. A website tracked down who he/she was and also published sections from her website, where she offers some rather kinky services.
A local newspaper also ran pictures of several scantily clad women leaving the players hotel in the early morning after the party. That fact alone triggered an investigation since all the players knew that the Mexican FA had laid down rules preventing them from taking women back to their hotel.
The folks back in Mexico who oversee the Mexican national soccer team are not pleased; they have suspended two players for six months each and have fined about a dozen others. It is not clear if their anger comes from the player’s behavior or from the photos on the Internet or from the fact that they were not invited to the victory party.
FOR SALE: TEAM-THEMED TOILET SEAT COVERS!
There is a guy on eBay, nhrafan307, (http://myworld.ebay.com/nhrafan307/),
who is listing many NFL, MLB, NHL and college-themed toilet seat covers for a starting bid between $15 and $16.50 plus $3.50 for shipping. I’m not sure if he makes these himself or if he got them from a company in that business.
Now you don’t need to open the lid to piss on a team you don't like. You can purchase a toilet seat for that team and then you can piss all over it. That might be ridiculous though, because there are plenty of other fan items that you can piss on without making a mess in the bathroom. Now only if they made team-themed toilet bowl-liners, you could really have some fun even when you take a dump.
You can get these plus team steering wheel covers ($9.99) and team tissue box covers ($5.99) on nhrafan307’s eBay page.
TEXANS NEW TAILGATE POLICY!
Last Friday (10/1), it seemed like it was all-tailgate talk all-the-time on local sports talk stations. I don’t understand all the moaning and groaning with regard to the tailgate controversy at Reliant Stadium. That's why God blessed me with a large-screen TV.
My thinking is why drive downtown, deal with the traffic, set up a tailgate, spend a lot of money, etc. when you can do the same thing with your friends at or near your own house, which comes with a nice clean bathroom. Besides, the food and drinks are cheaper.
I realize there is a certain minority in Houston and other cities that ruins pretty much everything people used to be able to enjoy. They are loud, drunk, obnoxious, and sometimes violent. That's why I'd rather watch the game on TV, than pay and be inconvenienced to have to deal with that kind of atmosphere.
FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE!
You may have seen these videos already, but they're still always fun to watch:
TENNESSEE VOL COACHES TAUGHT PLAYERS HOW TO SHOWER, BUT FORGOT TO TEACH THEM HOW TO COUNT!
Tennessee started the year with four home games; they came out of that stretch with a 2-2 record even though they needed UAB to miss five field goals in a double overtime game to get that win. Last week, they went to Baton Rouge to play the offensively challenged, but defensively strong - LSU Tigers. You must have seen the replays of the final seconds there as Tennessee thought they won the game 14-10 stopping LSU inside the Tennessee 1-yard line as time ran out. The only problem here was that Tennessee had 13 men on the field; LSU got another shot and scored a TD to win.
In a previous Peanut Gallery, we discussed Tennessee being the team that needed to be coached on how to take a shower by using soap in all the cracks and crevices of the anatomy. Now they need to be coached on how to count.
Memo to the Vols' Defensive Coordinator: That goal line 7-4-2 alignment you devised is very effective, but is also against the rules.
"RUNNING GAME? WE DON"T NEED NO STINKIN' RUNNING GAME!"
The Denver Broncos entered this past Sunday's game with the Tennessee Titans with the 30th-ranked rushing offense in the NFL. Holding true to form, the Broncos threw the ball 50 times and ran it only 20 times. Although Denver won the game, 26-20, that is not what you would call “balanced play-calling” for the day, but consider the following:
In running the ball 20 times, the Broncos managed to gain a total of 19 yards; eleven of the nineteen yards came from three Kyle Orton scrambles; newly acquired RB, Laurence Maroney, ran the ball 11 times for 5 yards; and Correl Buckholter carried 6 times for 3 yards.
LOCKER ROOMS ARE FOR PLAYERS TO TAKE A DUMP AND A SHOWER IN PRIVACY!
As a follow-up to the Ines Sainz brouhaha of last month, according to a Seton Hall University Sports Poll, a majority of women believe female reporters have no business in an NFL locker room, while a smaller number of men are in favor of tossing the women out. Fifty-nine percent of the 556 women surveyed and 47 percent of the 470 men surveyed are in favor of banning female reporters from NFL locker rooms.
It is unusual to find women more than men in favor of limiting a woman’s right in a men’s locker room. In this case the ladies have it right. Women have no business in a men’s locker room, however, both the men and women in the survey blew the call when it comes to getting all reporters out of the locker room. Only thirty-four percent of the respondents believe all reporters should be banned. Wrong answer. Sports fans can live just fine without the two minutes after the game quotes.
It’s about time the athletes were given the privacy and respect we all deserve. Other than players and team personnel, nobody else belongs in the locker room immediately after a game while the players drip naked next to their lockers. Someone needs to have the guts to take action and let the athletes have their space. Since we know the league commissioners don’t have the balls to pull this off, I suggest the media police itself and work with the athletes to set up interview areas outside the locker room.
Sorry ladies and gentlemen of the media, the locker room is not your house. It’s about time you wised up, showed some respect and class, and got out of the locker room.
FROM THE MAILBAG:
Taylor left a comment in response to Craig Shelton’s post of 9/27, "MR. FOOTBALL ANALYST GUY - CRAIG SHELTON - 09/27/2..."(http://sheltonmedia.blogspot.com/2010/09/mr-football-analyst-guy-craig-shelton.html):
"Are you just now realizing 610 is a joke? N.D. is good but guess what, he will be equally bad once basketball and baseball begin. Here is the deal, no matter how bad they are, they still have the money (Texans & Rockets) therefore they will continue to suck but yet make more money. If HMW can force change at 610, I will walk up to City Hall and lip lock with our Lesbian Mayor.” END
Carl has left a comment regarding Lamont Mann's post of 10/1, "HOUSTON TEXANS SAYS "EFF THE TAILGATING EXPERIENCE..." (http://sheltonmedia.blogspot.com/2010/10/houston-texans-says-eff-tailgating.html):
"I was listening to Marc after he had on Jamie Roots. Marc is an idiot. I cannot stand this loser. In my opinion he would be happy if they totally did away with minorities at Reliant. Dude is a loser.” END.
LET THE MOVIE TITLE TELL THE TRUTH!
Boston Celtic Ray Allen played the title role in the 1998 flick, "He Got Game" starring Denzel Washington. Perhaps the following movie title is more truthful:
COLLEGE ANNOUNCER QUOTES OF 10/2
Here are some more that should have been included on the 10/4 list of announcer quotes from last Saturday (10/2):
"Miami has always been one of the most penalized teams, not only in the nation, but in the conference." - Bob Griese
"The old three stooges move. Giving him a shot to the eyes." - Chris Martin
"I'll take this kid Ellington home with me." - Bob Griese
"He's gonna make contact with his eyes." - Chris Spielman
"Playing the secondary is a lot like marriage. Without communication it'll never work." - Chris Spielman
"They're going to the chapel man. They're gonna get married" -Chris Spielman after a Ben Chappell highlight
"Do you believe in miracles!?" - Steve Beurlein after Vols scored to take the lead.
"This offensive line gives up more pancakes than Aunt Jemima." - Craig James
"You try too much Tebow, and kaboom!" - Verne Lundquist
"Why, you would think that is Dick Vitale at Duke!" - Brent Musburger as they show the Oregon fans lifting the Duck over their heads in the stands.
ODD AND ENDS:
1. ABC has announced that Matt Millen will be taking his talents to Ann Arbor for the big rivalry game between Michigan State and Michigan this weekend. If there is anything the people of this great state are familiar with, it's Millen's expertise when it comes to football. After what happened with the Detroit Lions under his watch as GM, this guy is Public Enemy #1 in this state when it comes to football, and just the sight of him will cause sweet old Michigan grandmas to curse up a storm.
2. As of now, the Cardinals, Rams, and Seahawks are tied for first place in the NFC West with a 2-2 record. The Niners - my pick to win this malodorous division - are in last place at 0-4. Because of the way the NFL sets up its playoffs, one of these teams will play a game in mid-January that they do not belong in. My guess at the beginning of the season was that a team with an 8-8 record would represent this division in the playoffs. Stay tuned!
3. After about 20 years, MLB and FOX Sports have agreed to start a World Series game at 7 p.m ET on a Saturday. FYI – that is TV’s slow night, and the one night of the week when a late start would be agreeable to most. So MLB sends out a press release announcing this time change thereby making Bud Selig looking like a great friend to kids. What nonsense, yet the media fell for it as an act of thoughtfulness and kindness by MLB.
4. The New York Times recently reported that a high percentage of people have been committing crimes while wearing Yankees clothing apparel in the New York City metropolitan area. And that doesn't include the Yankee front office personnel who commit crimes by charging exorbitant ticket prices for a number of seats.
6. The NBA says it will no longer allow players to whine at referees. A recent study sponsored by the NBA shows that people think NBA players complain too much. No kidding? You mean that complaining on every call is too much?
7. Speaking of the NBA, the following is now forbidden in the NBA: Air punches, waving off refs, sarcastic clapping, waving arms, and jumping up and down in disbelief. Please note that when all of the above are combined into a single routine, it will be known as the "Rasheed Syndrome"!
8. When was the last time you heard a sports talker call a non-white athlete either “scrappy” or “a gym rat”?. For instance, have you ever heard of a "scrappy" black athlete? It's usually the Chase Utleys, Wes Welkers, and David Ecksteins of the world who we hear are scrappy and all happen to be white.
MIKE IN DA
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